Transcribe Me: Across the Mirror

Dear Me, 

Get your SHIT TOGETHER!!!

Sincerely,

You. 

I’d fuck Tom Hardy…. just saying. I don’t care how gay that makes me look. 

Add Tom Daley and I might just turn GAY. 

Don’t worry, I just have a level two man crush on them… Why the fuck are Toms so damn attractive? On that note I might just add Chris Hemsworth into the picture.

Ok, Now I’m just a slut. 

So like I’m getting really mad at the fact that I can’t work out… Like you don’t understand! This is seriously interfering with my random bedroom dancing. I usually like to lock myself in my room and randomly shake my ass to Rihanna. Now I can’t even do that. I also like to mountain bike and pretend I can go downhill at 30 mph with rocks at the bottom waiting to kill me, I can’t do that either. Like what am I suppose to do while my body is obnoxiously storing fats? I came across a shake weight the other day and that was the worst thing ever. It hurt like hell after a minute of perverting hand-job motions. 

I’m done. I give up. I’m just gonna try to enjoy my Taco Bell while it’s all going straight to my thighs. It’s ok, I’ll just join boxing once school starts. 

This is just as bad as keeping an action figure in its original box. 

I hate her. 

And she hasn’t talked to me since. Today is Thursday. 

My Reaction: Keep it up mom. I’ve been longing for some peace and quiet :)

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom but ever since I told her I am FTM, every horrible and degrading word has poured out of her mouth. Example, “Why can’t you fight this and be normal?”, “You have ashamed my family”, “You’re just like your father”, “You just want attention”, and my all time favorite “Stephanie!!!” 

After a year of constantly coming home to this, I got used to it. But at the beginning, Niagara Falls would pour out of my eyes every night. Now, it’s kinda like… just shut up. Same thing goes for my Uncle and his family. “You’re stupid”, “Why can’t you major in something that will get you money”, “You just want to be poor, don’t you”, “Fag.”, “You just like depending on your grandfather’s money!”. Oh, I could write a horrible rap song with these beautiful words. 

My point = I love my family. And I’ll love them even more once I prove them wrong. Which I have. But I like to keep my success a secret. That way, it doesn’t get spoiled by envious bitches, like them. 

My grandfather always says, “Pobre es el que pierde toda la ambicion” Translation: Poor is someone who loses all ambition. I don’t think I could ever be poor when I’ve got belittling words blowing smoke up my ass. I’ve actually got aspiration. 

And as for my chest surgery, working at home depot has paid off, just 5 MORE DAYS!

I feel ugly and stupid and fat and dumb and pointless and lonely and… ugly. 

We laid on the rail road tracks and watched the stars together after we ate ice cream at the park in the dark… I really wanted to kiss her, but I couldn’t :( 

My life is literally that movie, 500 Days of Summer!

She’s a double-sided sword. No matter what I do, I will always get hurt. But my first mistake was thinking I was through. A self-degrading woman with slut written on her perfectly contoured body will always wreak havoc.