So I was suppose to go clubbing with a friend and have fun but since she’s lazy as fuck she likes to bail a lot. It’s not her fault though. I just need more party friends because most of my friends are sad and boring or in a relationship and don’t feel like doing anything.
My other party friends are girls and are going to a male strip club at the moment so.. fuck that, I’m straight. My other friend is super christian so she believes in no fun.
I should just go by myself and make fun of myself.
This is sad. I wish I had a girlfriend. Or I wish I was locked in a music studio. One or the other.
So at the beginning of my transition, I went to the BBQ feed store by where I used to live. The owner and servers were rude-ass pigs. They made snarky comments and called me by my un-preffered gender pronoun. Now, if you know me, you know I’m very lenient. You can call me a Tranny-Ass-Mothafucker and there’s a good possibility I will not give a fuck, well, depending on my mood.
Anyways, I went back on December 30th, 2012 for the first time since 2011. I barged into the restaurant like a Republican on a money-high and ordered my food. Once again the owner was an ass hole but at least he called me “HE”! Ha! Successful visit! I win! The server was really nice though, possibly cuz she’s a girl. Oh, I must remind you, this is in Texas, so the girl had long blond wavy hair and looked like Taylor Swift. But they were still a bunch of hicks. Rude as fuck. So if you live in North Tarrant County by the DFW airport and you’ve heard of the Feed Store, don’t go. Unless you don’t have class, cuz they treat you like shit, no matter what.
… because I’ve realized that sometimes talking about gender is like claiming you’re writing a book in English but making up most of the words and definitions as you go along to prove that the English language is just a radical custom made up by the social norms…
but I also can’t stand the preservatives in everything these days… Even if I was a vegan, I’d still want to know why the fuck my Cashews look like they are on steroids.
See, where I come from, there would not be a reason to be vegan. If you wanted milk, you’d walk over to a friendly cow and milk it. If the cow feels threatened or tortured, it’d kick you in the face and you’d know it! That’s how my grandmother nearly died. If you wanted chicken, I’d punch you in the face cuz I love chickens! But If you really wanted chicken, I would give you the oldest one or the one that had less chances of living anyway. If you wanted fish, you would walk to the beach, got on a canoe, and fished for fish. If you wanted pork. You’d only get one a year and that time would be Christmas. But if you want pork, you’d have to eat every single part of it! Even the feet (which are the best). It is frowned upon to leave portions of a dead animal. The reason being is there are many poor people where I come from. So beggars can’t be choosers. If you’re poor and don’t want eggs for dinner. You’d die. That’s just how it was.
Here, it’s like.. oh look food. Let me eat part of it and then throw it away like a rich bastard. Oh look, skim milk. How fucking fancy. Let me have an ocean of it and while you’re at it, let me have some grass and twigs! Cuz I love eating mother Earth’s pubes!!!
How bout we stop the preservatives, appreciate farms, stop throwing food away, stop animal cruelty, and make our “slaughter houses” more humane? That way part of us don’t look fat and the other part of us don’t look like we just walked out of a concentration camp. Don’t get me wrong, vegans are cool, vegetarians are cool too. but I’m an omnivore and I believe in a middle.
and that’s the end of my rant…
So tired of being treated like a little fuck. I have more chances of winning the lottery than finding love. Fucking tired of being overlooked cuz I’m not your height. Perhaps I should kicked you real hard and bring you to your knees.
I made an 80 on the prequiz because I ran out of time and had to leave most of them blank because he spent the first 30 minutes of class flirting with some dumb bitch from across the auditorium. Now this dickbag still wants me to show up for his lesson on FUCKING WHOLE AND HALF STEPS!!!
I’M GONNA FUCKING WHOLE STEP ON HIS FACE AND THEN SHOVE A HALF STEP UP HIS ASS!
I ALREADY KNOW THIS SHIT! I’M A FUCKING MUSICIAN… I’ll just show up and study better things like chord progressions and other shit that’s actually challenging to me…
So I’ve been thinking. How am I gonna do it? I didn’t get into the music school. I had to work at the fucking Home Depot for almost 6 months to pay for surgery. Now that I’ve had surgery, I couldn’t practice my instrument for two whole fucking months, so my chances of getting into an ensemble are slim. I’m also stripped out of money. I don’t want to work at Walgreens or some stupid restaurant because that has nothing to do with my career so in the end I’ll still have no musical work experience. I’m basically going to school for nothing. I would love to start composing music and shit but I can’t afford software. I have like only one music friend. I’m so stressed. There’s just no way I could possibly make it.
I just feel like quitting.